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Bruce's not-video thread

Posted: Wed Sep 12, 2007 9:16 am
by bruce
I keep finding funny stuff that isn't video, and there's nowhere obvious to put it, so now there is!!

To get it started...
http://www.b3ta.com/board/7601802

Posted: Wed Sep 12, 2007 2:05 pm
by bruce
You Can't Please Everybody All Of The Time

It's funny cos it's true...

Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 7:26 am
by West

Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 7:49 am
by West

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2007 5:43 pm
by DILLIGAF
Happily stolen from elsewhere :lol:

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint....it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever
wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We
have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over
100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer
these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%*


And


K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,*

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H -I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far rump steak kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While* Hard
work* and* Knowledge will get you close, and** Attitude** will get
you there, it's the** Bullsh!t* and* A$$ kissing* that will put you
over the top.


:shock:

Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 2:12 pm
by Jester
THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG'S LIST

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful
(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy.
I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at
least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind
that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think

I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could

you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around
200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get

me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married

to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as
I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I
get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my
feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east
side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have
nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead

gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story
there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment
banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they
hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for
MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest
way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front
about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't
able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a
nice home and hearth.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial
interests
PostingID: 432279810


THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully
about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your
bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I
see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a

crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring

my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my
money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely
that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't
be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation
accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty
hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in

earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy
and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense

to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case
you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were
to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's
as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,
I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful"
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to
believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K
hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then
we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way.
Classic "pump and dump."
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of
lease, let me know.

Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 6:08 pm
by West
For those of you who don't read b3ta ...

Pocket Mod
http://www.pocketmod.com/

:D

Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 6:17 pm
by West
Not for the faint hearted, but still pretty incredible!

http://www.rattlesnakebite.org/picsconfirm.htm

(yes from b3ta again for fellow readers)

Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 1:08 pm
by Village

Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2007 2:41 pm
by bruce

Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 2:47 pm
by bruce
Can't find full versions anywhere, but there are samples of each track here:
http://www.amazon.com/Bluegrass-Wrecks- ... B000IFSG7Q

Genius :)

Edit: You can listen to the whole version of Tribute here: http://www.myspace.com/thedustbowlcavaliers

Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 1:32 pm
by West
at work me and another guy had a discussion about bus spotters that we saw in Reading town centre ... and this got us on to spotters of spotters, ie the people who spot spotters ... and after a google search found this ...

http://www.rbz.smartemail.co.uk/

:lol:

Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 5:05 pm
by bruce
If you don't find this funny, your soul must have curled up and died :lol:

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9635527659

Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 6:18 pm
by Jester
bruce wrote:If you don't find this funny, your soul must have curled up and died :lol:

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=9635527659
Frankly the most disturbing thing I've ever seen. :shock:

Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 2:01 pm
by West

Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2007 1:48 pm
by Village
...and a demonstration of the power of the internet!


Greenpeace wanted the public to name a Whale.

All the usual dull names, Kimba, Libertad, Humphrey were submitted.

Someone from a UK website suggested his own name, and sent out an e-mail to
all his mates, who sent it to their mates etc.. etc...

And the Greenpeace whale is now called...

http://vote.greenpeace.org/11/12/results

Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 9:18 am
by West
eBay: Drive Someone Insane with Postcards

http://www.banterist.com/archivefiles/000528.html

:lol: :lol:

Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 5:23 pm
by West
Purile humour

Go to http://maps.google.com

Enter “25 01 00.48n 77 17 46.92w” in the search box

Switch to “Satellite” view


:lol: :lol: :lol:

Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:30 pm
by Jester
Quality high-brow entertainment (for the under 5s)

http://www.misternicehands.com/

Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 1:58 pm
by Jester
OK, so it's stick golf, but it's still a great little game. Hole in 1 on the Rams Horn. 8)

http://www.candystand.com/uk/play.do?id=18253