The Comedy Moments thread

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rhatton1
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Post by rhatton1 » Mon Sep 21, 2009 7:16 am

The possible conversation between Duncan and Bev this morning when she wakes up to find an austrian dictator in the bed next to her....

To the tune of there's a hole in my bucket.... apologies for the scan, it was a quick job!


There's a hole in my face dear Bev, dear Bev,

There's a hole in my face Dear Bev, a hole!


HOw did that happen dear Duncan , dear Duncan, dear Duncan

How did that happen dear Duncan, we marry in 2 months you fool!


I missed the mattress dear Bev, dear Bev, dear Bev,

I missed the mattress dear Bev, but i hold the record!!!


The record of what you tool, you fool, you tool!

The record of what you fool, you look like Hitler!


Mattress sliding in the great hall , the great hall, the great hall,

Jester Bruce, Rich, Jesse, rick Rick, Andy, couldn't beat me at all!


I don't care about your record Hitler lookalike, hitler lookalike,

I don't care about your record, do i want to marry you at all?!


It was magnificent dear Bev, dear Bev, dear Bev.

It was magnificent dear Bev I slid the length of the hall!


But the wedding photography you moron, you idiot you fool,

the wedding photography you moron will show a hole in your face!


I just wanted one more moment of glory dear Bev, Dear Bev,

One More moment of glory to cap it all!



So i sprinted through the door, (leaping like a salmon, legs tucked in behind, with arms outstretched, face glowing with anticipation,) dear Bev Dear Bev,

Grabbed for thin air as my hands missed the mattress, flew over the top, planted my face on the floor!



I slid for 4 metres, dear Bev dear Bev,

I slid for 4 metres with my face on the floor!



Theres a hole in my face dear Bev, dear Bev,

Theres a hole in my face and you're walking out the door?!



Come back please, Don't leave me, i'll change !!!! I hold 2 records!! That must count for something!

:D
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Post by rhatton1 » Mon Sep 21, 2009 7:21 am

Records currently held by Duncan Hartshorne:

Mattress sliding - approximately 6 meters

Face Sliding - approximately 4 meters,

Duncans current face sliding record beat all but Jester and Bruces mattress sliding records. None other of the competitors that night were man enough to accept Duncans challenge of face sliding, it looks like this record will hold.

Hats off to the man who was willing to go one step further for his sport!
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Post by TheGroover » Mon Sep 21, 2009 8:24 am

As I struggled to stay awake on the drive home last night, all I needed to do was remember The Face Slide and I was jolted back awake by yet another fit of giggles.

Dunc - hope you're okay, but thanks for the funniest thing I have seen in years.

Here's the story:

Five of us were chillaxing in the barn in Burnlaw, when some wag had an idea to put a matress on the floor, run and dive on it to see how far it could slide.

Jester set an early record, but Duncan surpassed us all. Rick, Jesse, Hatton, myself and Bruce were mere amateurs in the face of the two masters. As the Furthest Matress Slide record extended and extended, so did the length of the runup. Duncan was unbeatable!

In an effort to go That Little Bit Further, Dunc decided to really go for it. He begins his run up, approaches the matress, jumps, and clears the whole matress (at least 6ft long!). Through the sky he goes, landing at the far end on, um, his face, and still manages to slide further, on his face, than most of us managed on the matress. The matress remained in place, untouched even by his feet. An amazing leap!

I have not laughed so hard for as long as I can remember. Even Duncan saw the funny side, eventually, despite having friction burns on his cheek, and a three-spoked gash between his lip and nose.
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Post by dunc » Mon Sep 21, 2009 8:40 am

rhatton1 wrote:Come back please, Don't leave me, i'll change !!!! I hold 2 records!! That must count for something!

:D
Oh my god, are you twelve she screamed......!!
The Treasurerrer..... hic!

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Post by Village » Mon Sep 21, 2009 8:50 am

I know this is an unusual request, but can we have a picture of Duncans face? :?:
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Post by rhatton1 » Mon Sep 21, 2009 8:53 am

I believe Jester is the man to ask for this, although Jesse may have some too. If only it had been filmed, the cameraman would have become a millionaire!
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Post by Jester » Mon Sep 21, 2009 10:11 am

rhatton1 wrote:I believe Jester is the man to ask for this, although Jesse may have some too. If only it had been filmed, the cameraman would have become a millionaire!
I do indeed have photographic evidence of Duncan's top-lip Hello Kitty/Isle of Man. Have sent it on in the hope someone will be able to upload.

After discussing how Dunc would explain to Bev, much was imagined how the conversation would pan out at his work. Did he get hit in the face by a disc? Did he get in a fight defending his family's honour? Nah, we reckoned:

Colleague to Dunc: "What happened to your face?"
Dunc: "I walked into a floor"


Top effort, Dunc. Only you, pal, only you. :lol:
Last edited by Jester on Mon Sep 21, 2009 5:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by bruce » Mon Sep 21, 2009 10:20 am

Image
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Post by dunc » Mon Sep 21, 2009 10:50 am

Can't see it.....
The Treasurerrer..... hic!

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Post by Village » Mon Sep 21, 2009 11:21 am

dunc wrote:Can't see it.....
is that because your top lip has swollen up and covered your eyes?
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Post by bruce » Mon Sep 21, 2009 1:05 pm

dunc wrote:Can't see it.....
Just on imageshack, works for me... Anyone else?
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Post by Steve » Mon Sep 21, 2009 1:06 pm

works here.
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Post by BOF » Mon Sep 21, 2009 3:31 pm

nothing here
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Post by TheGroover » Mon Sep 21, 2009 3:42 pm

works for me.
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Post by The Rizboss » Mon Sep 21, 2009 5:05 pm

bruce wrote:I'm pretty sure we have a winner of this prize from the weekend. Full details tomorrow, hopefully with photographs... :lol:

and thankfully i was one of few witness', what an evening!

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Post by Del » Mon Sep 21, 2009 7:59 pm

I wish I could have witnessed the floor getting Dunc slammed. You can't buy that experience with Mastercard... priceless.
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Post by West » Mon Sep 21, 2009 8:25 pm

I would not want to be in your shoes Dunc when you arrived home on Sunday night ...

Are you even allowed out to play disc golf with your friends again? ;-)
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Post by TheGroover » Tue Sep 22, 2009 4:31 pm

Del wrote:I wish I could have witnessed the floor getting Dunc slammed. You can't buy that experience with Mastercard... priceless.
It really was truly the funniest thing I have seen in years:
- The soft thud as he hit the floor
- the "oooooooh" that Jester emitted as Dunc slid right past him (Jester was seated closest to the "slide area").
- the momentary pause as we all took in the majesty of him missing the whole goddamned matress

And then i laughed and cried for about five minutes.

Later on, we got the first aid kit out, but not until the tear ducts had run dry.
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Post by Village » Tue Dec 15, 2009 12:16 pm

An early contender for the 2010 Season "comedy moment"

Mr Andrew Cotgreave, who posted hard copies of "In Flight" with insufficient postage, leading to all receipients having to pay £1.37 each for the priviledge of collecting the magazine themselves from the post office.

tidy!!
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Re: The Comedy Moments thread

Post by Charlie Mead » Mon Jul 16, 2012 9:31 am

Didn't know where to put this, and it might be old news to many of you, but it made me chuckle if not laugh out loud......and I don't really know why!
Bruce and Gary O'M are twins!
Been trying to spot the similarities - must have been seperated at birth!! :roll:
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